please don't tell me I'm the only one who has wanted to cry after getting a haircut

“I haven’t eaten anything all day!” my 12-year-old sister Miriam said to me with a tone of accomplishment. Then she did that whole move where you make a fist and pull your elbow to your ribcage, as if to say, “yesssss.” (It was about 1:30 pm).

I looked at her and thought for a few moments. Then I said, “If you think you’ve gained a victory by not eating food, you’re wrong. You’ve been defeated by an image of a girl that isn’t real.”

She opened the fridge and changed the subject.

Well, Rach, I thought, you hit the nail on the freaking head. Mir had better listen, or else she’s in for some heartache down the road. Her worth isn’t defined in what the world tells her she has to look like. Beauty is so much more than how thin you are. Even if you got to the size you want, you’d realize that it won’t make you happy.

When will I ever learn that pride goes before a fall?

That same afternoon, I went to get a haircut, something I've been contemplating for a while. I thought I might google some images of what I want to look like. I found one. Charlize Theron has a lot of cute curly styles. This is just what I want. If I could have this, I’d be happy.

I almost cried after my hair had been cut and styled (yes, I'm pretty embarrassed about this confession). My stylist did a great job- she did exactly as I had asker her. The problem was, I realized I just didn’t want my hair. No matter how many layers and how much I thin it, my hair is just big. Some days it is even humongous. It’s unpredictable and thick and coarse and it doesn’t look a thing like Charlize Theron’s hair.

I had fallen prey to the same trap that my sister had earlier that day. What most of the women in our culture today have fallen for. The thing we’re chasing simply does not exist. Not because we’re chasing an ideal pant size or a certain complexion- those are just the outward expression of what we’re looking for. We’re actually searching for happiness and worth, and they don't exist in a lasting manner in physical beauty. I have believed the lie that “"if I am thin, tan, toned, and have soft, predictable curls, only then will I be worthy of love, affection, and admiration.”

But, as Solomon said in Ecclesiates, “Everything [including the pursuit of physical beauty] is meaningless! The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. When I had surveyed all that my hands had done, and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”

We’re chasing the wind, guys and gals. We are finite beings and we long for the infinite. Our skin will wrinkle and our metabolism will slow down. It’s the effects of sin in our bodies. We pursue and admire beauty because we were created that way. But we have to understand that our hope for this beauty is only found in the God who can raise the dead, and give life to our mortal bodies. Rom 8.11

While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it's not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life.

2 Cor 5.4

p.s. by no means am I against a balanced concern for health, fitness, and trying to look beautiful. In fact, I've had loads of fun doing Insanity this summer.