Jonathan and Amy were right about the post- missions life re-entry depression/valley. Not only has my relationship with God seemed flat, but everything else in my life seems to require a laborious amount of emotional and mental energy. My creativity and enjoyment of life flows directly from God, so when I’m distant from him, I am removed from everything else.
This glorious morning (glorious because the house is completely empty), I grab my micron pens, sketchbook, journal and Bible and sit down to spend time with God. Even when I’m distant, I can’t help myself. I have to spend time with him. But this morning I’m struck by his leadership and direction in our relationship. Sure, I pursue Him, but only because he pursues me. He’s the one that asks me questions and sincerely wants to hear my answers. He’s the one that shows interest in me, even when I’ve gone the entire day without thinking of Him. He’s the one that invites me into his heart, ever ready to assure me of his love for me. He’s the one in our relationship that rubs off on me. He’s changing me, influencing me. Just by being who he is, I want to imitate him. To talk the way he talks, live the way he lives, and treat to other people the way he treats them.
So, as I look over the last 2 months, I'm saddened by my contentment to be mediocre in my pursuit of God. But I am overwhelmed by his pursuit of me. I don’t understand why, because apart from his loveliness, I am dirty and unworthy.
If we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself.
2 tim 2.13
coming up...
I got an eno for my 20th birthday! I will soon invite you to explore the world of hammocking possibilities in my own backyard and beyond :) I just wish that June weren't so blasted hot.
Hi Rachel! I hope you are well! I miss you and Costa Rica! It's just amazing how much He loves us! I'm overwhelmed by it a lot of times. I'm encouraged that despite the flatness and dryness you keep on going--you keep on seeking God. Praise God. You're awesome and happy belated 20th bday! ;)
ReplyDeleteI love this post!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post :). I can understand the post mission trip blues. When I came back from Uganda last year had a little bit of that myself. Life here moves at such a break neck speed that I didn't realize how fast it did until being in a country that time was "ish". I would say that this is a time of growing and and any hardships are making your character stronger and more like Jesus everyday.
ReplyDeleteThis happens to us all from time to time. The Ligonier conference did this for me but the good side is that I've been pursuing Him more since I attended. :) It was so good to see you all this weekend. :)
ReplyDeletethank you all so much for reading and offering your feedback! I appreciate it so much, and I'm gad to
ReplyDelete